Today I tried to figure out when exactly I started hating my job. Because I never used to. I think for the first two years, despite my pretend distain of administrative tasks, I really didn’t mind it. Now I find myself volunteering to do administratey things. I love getting coffee for people. I started hating my job when I discovered you can be bored and stressed at the same time. I started hating my job when I first woke up in the middle of the night because I just remembered that I need to send out a report the next day. I started hating my job the first time we were passive aggressively “encouraged to step up”. They said everybody needs to step up. But if everyone is stepping up, is anyone stepping up? Why don’t I just do less work and then everyone else can look like they stepped up. When did it become reasonable for me to work four Sundays in a row? That’s crazy.
My main question now is if my lack of a work ethic is because real estate finance if for schmoes and I will be really dedicated to my new found pursuit of journalism, or am I really just a lazy sack? I guess I’ll find out soon enough. Although I’m already nervous about the fact that I can’t for the life of me get started on my application essays. A writer that doesn’t want to write. That can’t be good. Although writers need deadlines and mine’s not til January. I guess I just need some pressure. Strangely, the thought of staying at this job forever isn’t pressure enough. It really should be.
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