Trip to the Dentist

The journey into adulthood is a tumultuous one and nothing better represents both the freedom and the challenges associated with that journey for me than…THE DENTIST! Pro of growing up – no one will make you go to the dentist. Con of growing up – no one will make you go to the dentist. Let me say this, I absolutely hate the dentist. Well actually all doctors in general. They’re nothing like the ones on television. They just spend the whole time scolding you. I remember one time in high school when I could no longer live a lie, I said to the dentist, “I don’t want to lie to you; I don’t floss. And more than that, I have no intention of starting anytime soon. But I’ll give you this, I will be open to flossing for the 6 months til I see you again. I will move from a flossing atheist to a flossing agnostic.” I’d like to think she appreciated my honesty. But like most things, no amount of her guilt was going to make me start. I know it’s her job to tell me to floss, but it’s also my job as a stubborn person to fight to the death for my right to not floss. It’s a vicious war, but somebody’s got to do it. My friend once sent me an article on how not flossing had been linked to heart disease. Hey, smokers know smoking causes lung disease, does it stop them from smoking if they’re not ready? Probably not. Well maybe.

So when I graduated college and got a real job, I can assure you, I spent about 1.5 minutes together even considering going to the dentist for the first two years. And I wouldn’t even have to spend a dime to do it. But eventually, and I’m not sure why, maybe I thought I had something to prove, I made an appointment. And I went in during lunch one day, got in the chair, even got some X-rays done. And you know what? I didn’t have a single cavity. Ha! I never felt like screaming “Damn the man!” than I did when I single-handedly proved that going to the dentist every 6 months is stupid. And boy, was my mom mad. I think she might have even called me a B-I-T-C-H. She flosses every day and always has cavities. I’d rather be lucky than good. You’ll never hear any different from me.

So that was a year ago and as I am about to go back to school and lose my cushy insurance, I made another appointment. The receptionist was all “I see you’re overdue on your 6-month check up”. I said yes but I really wanted to say “No, I never said I would be back in 6 months. I am, in fact, right on time for my annual check-up.” I called yesterday and they had an opening today. I said sure not thinking that this doesn’t give me enough time for my usual week-long “Make the dentist think I floss and brush twice a day” routine. It’s similar to my week-long “Make my mom think I wear my retainer every day” before I see her. Oh well. I’m lucky, not good.

Max likes your yabos, in fact, he loves 'em!

Finally, it's that most glorious time of year again. And no, I'm not talking about National Boss Day (which apparently was October 16th although I didn't celebrate because a) I hate my boss and b) Isn't being the boss reward enough? Am I supposed to get you flowers or something? Heck no.). Of course I mean Halloween. Actually, in my household, it's been Halloweentime for about the past month (our evite went out approximately 6 weeks early). Now, with only 11 days left, the excitement which I was able to mostly contain, is spilling out into almost every conversation. You know in Mean Girls, when Lindsey Lohan says she spent half her time talking about Regina and the other half wishing someone would bring her up so she could talk about her again? That's how I am with Halloween. And I'm not very subtle.

Non-Halloween-obsessed person: (Coughs.)
Me: Did you just ask me what I'm being for Halloween?
Non-Halloween-obsessed person: No, I just coughed.
Me: Oh, cause I thought you asked me what I'm gonna be for Halloween.
Non-Halloween-obsessed person: (Uncomfortable pause)
Me: Cause it's Elizabeth Bennet...from Pride and Prejudice. That's who I'm dressing as. Just in case you were wondering.
Non-Halloween-obsessed person: (Walks away.)



So yeah, it's getting a bit awkward. Only 11 more days! My costumes is completely done and I just need to do some dry runs of my hair. We even decorated the house already. Almost every square inch of wall is covered in some sort of anamatronic skull or motion-censored screaming. We obviously cannot turn everything on now I will lose my mind by the time Halloween actually rolls around. The psycho shower curtain can only scream at me upon entering the bathroom so many times before I will stop using the bathroom all together, explode with all the pent-up urine and die. Then no Halloween party for me. Although I would nobly tell Maggie to have the party even though I was dead because, hey, Halloween is bigger than all of us.

Radio Stars

My good friend (and probably only reader of this blog), Andrew came for a little visit this weekend, bringing with him the most fantastical gift ever. A RECORDING OF OUR OLD RADIO SHOW!!! Let me take you back in time. It is the Fall of 2005. A brave, young college senior is asked to join her friend's radio show to bring some female perspective. "Sure," she says, "I love hearing my own voice. I bet everyone else would, too." And she was right! Amy was a beacon of light in an otherwise boring political show. Think Crossfire but worse. But then Amy and Andrew made the...I can only call it "genius"...decision to cut the fat. Fat turning out to be 1) talking about politics and 2) everyone else on the show. And the rest is radio history. Well internet radio history.

I'm gonna stop talking in the third person now. Anyway, every Monday night we would go to Froggy Bottom Pub, have one (okay, two) pitchers of Bud Light, a couple Fat Birds, maybe a nacho or two, and make our way over to the spotlight of GW radio for an hour and a half of deep, philosophical conversation, mostly about what we did that weekend. And the laughter, oh the sweet, sweet laughter. I'm sure our listeners, everyone from our mothers to the people working across the hall at Ticketmaster, were in stitches as well. How could they not be? We were the answer to what the world had been crying out for in talk radio. A guy and girl, talking about their weekends, without much of an agenda or any real talent for the radio. "Yes," we cried out, "We will be that answer!".

I was a little nervous to listen the old shows but I daresay they were as good...nay, better...than I remembered. Whether we were discussing bus schedules, the latest celebrity baby news or back again to bus schedules, you could not helped but be entertained. One thing is certain, Awkward Silence needs to be back on the air. Even if we have to shell out $42K a year to return to GW, we will be heard. We will be heard.

My Church Got the Boot

I would have thought I would be blogging today about the major event in American history that went down last night - the wedding of Pam and Jim on The Office, but something else came up. I got an email from my pastor this morning that after this Sunday, my church will be without a home. I go to National Community Church which, among other locations, takes place at the movie theaters at Union Station. They just received word that the theaters are closing and this Sunday will be the last time we will be allowed to hold services there.

I was so shocked reading the email, it took me a minute to get a grip. But more surprising than the news was my reaction. I've been attending for three years and there's so much I'll miss about it. Running into my Kenya friends on Sunday mornings ("went to Kenya with" friends, not "of Kenyan descent" friends). My two and three-year olds in my Sunday School class who learn all too quickly that answer "Jesus" will probably be right 50% of the time. Even the slanted floors that make it impossible to not have crayons roll off the table. But I think above all this, my reaction was because one of the DC-goodbyes I've been dreading has been moved up two months. I'm not ready to leave DC!!!! Even writing out that I'm leaving in two months sends chills down my spine. I am in such denial. Two months!?!? I've lived here six years and I'm leaving in two months!!! I'm not really sure what the point of all this is other than I am starting to freak out! I'm not ready to leave my church. I'm not ready to leave my friends. I don't think I'm even ready to leave my job. That is sad. But like will all things I think you just need to leap and worry later. Those two months will pass with or without my freaking and strangely there's some comfort to that. New chapter, here I come.

I am still sad about NCC though. But Pastor Mark's email did a great job of reminding me that everything comes together for His glory. The church is the people not the building and they can't shut us down. Maybe someone else will take over the theaters and they won't let the floors get so sticky. See? An upside!

Right now I'm just picturing our congregation walking away from the theaters singing "Onward Christian Soldiers" like the last episode of Little House on the Prairie. That thought makes me feel better.

Back in the Game

Ten months ago, my company, in all their fascist glory, blocked blogging. I mean, I could have still done it at home but that would have been bloody unlikely. I save my home laptop for looking at things that are too inappropriate to look at at work (i.e. the Disney princes in their underwear...very hot, yet slightly pornish looking from a distance). Anyway, we've had access again for a while but I hadn't been motivated to begin blogging again. Michael Jackson died; I felt no need to share. Jon and Kate broke up...like another person needs to be commenting on that trainwreck. My sister got pregnant and still I didn't think the world at large needed to hear my voice. But this morning, I saw something so amazing, so life-altering, I thought "This needs to be shown to the masses!". Are you ready? Here it is...



It's kids dressed up like Gandhi!?!?!?! I can't stop looking at it. It captures all that is good and perfect in the world. Little Gandhi diapers. Apparently, they're celebrating his birthday or something. Look at their little mustaches. My kid is so gonna be Gandhi for Halloween.

OMG, I'm a stereotype...

Sometimes something will happen that forces us to take a step back and examine our life. If it's good, you marvel at how far you've come. If it's bad, you wonder how you ended up in this place. One such moment happened today when I began writing a blog, paused, looked up puzzlingly, saw the bigger picture and exclaimed "HOLY SHIT! I AM BLOGGING ABOUT TWILIGHT!"

This is embarrassing on several levels. One, I am kind of ashamed of blogging in general. I've noticed the few times I've brought up my blog, I said it in a kind of mock-Thurston Howell voice as if to say "Yes, I realize it is narcissistic and self-indulgent to think anyone would be interested in what I had to say". Maybe it's the bad blogs I've read where people just ramble off everything they ate that day or who they had coffee with. I don't care if Safeway started carrying your favorite brand of freeze-dried strawberries. And I bet no one else does either. Which I suppose is hypocritical to say since by writing a blog you are sort of acknowledging that someone somewhere is interested in your own mundane life.

So the other reason that this particular blog was like a spot light on my pathetic existence is because it's about a book written for 13 year old girls. A book, well four books and a movie specifically, that I am so obsessed with I'll hear a voice in my head saying "Amy, be careful, you've already brought up Edward Cullen twice in the last five minutes..." AND I'LL STILL MAKE THE COMMENT! The other sad thing is that not only am I reading them, I'm giving myself credit for reading them. They're each like 600 pages long and each took like 3 days and I'm seriously thinking what a genius I am for reading them so quickly. Like it's f'ing Tolstoy!!! So I fly through the book (cause I'm so smart), see the movie twice in theaters (so far), change my computer background AT WORK to a picture of Edward and Bella, watch their interviews on YouTube and buy Twilight gifts for no joke three of my friends and then sign onto my blog to tell the world how dreamy Edward is and how Jacob isn't good enough and that I wonder who they're all dating in real life, like ever other pre-pubescent girl is telling the world.

I AM ALMOST 24 YEARS OLD!!! And I keep thinking I'm getting to the saddest part but there's always another layer of patheticness. But I think here's the pit of it: I'm not even embarassed. I, like every other 13-year-old girl, believe deep down, no matter how much I protest, that my dedication and obsession makes me cool or interesting or endearing when in truth, it just makes me like every other 13-year-old girl, desperate to fill the hole in her own romantic life by tatooing Mrs. Cullen to herself and covering it with the Team Edward t-shirt she bought at Hot Topic. Wow, this got depressing. I'll lighten it up next week for my blog entitled "Vampires: Why are they so hot?"

He had kissed a woman, and he had kissed her long and good.

I was watching The Sandlot this morning on HBO and I got to thinking. Those are some good looking boys. It's been like 10 years so I'm sure by now they've turned into good looking men. I wonder what they're up to now.

Here's what I found out:

Wil Horneff - So first I looked up the kid who gets in the fight with Ham. The "You bob for apples in the toilet - and you like it!" guy. He was a good looking kid. And sure enough, totally hot now. He's been in some other stuff, like an episode of CSI and House but his biggest accomplishment seems to be just being very good looking. Congratulations! Oh, and he spent several months in Russia helping underprivaledged children. Also impressive.

Tom Guiry - Oh, Smalls. You are so wonderful. The first time I saw that largely-brimmed hat, I knew I was in love. He is also very attractive now. Way to go, Smalls. I remember seeing him in U-571 and being very sad when he drowned. But he did it so well. I also watched him on the short-lived Black Donnelly show. He had this beard thing working. It was nice. So after reading his IMDB bio, I found out he had a kid when he was 18. Oops. So come on, Tom, make a new movie.

Patrick Renna - Since Sandlot, Hamilton "Ham" Porter's career has really taken off. I'm sure I don't need to remind you that he played the lovable smart ass brother in Son-in-Law, that Pauly Shore masterpiece of film. Come on, The Sandlot, Son In Law, The Big Green...how this guy hasn't gotten some kind of nomination yet is beyond me. And he kinda thinned out. Aces to you, Ham.

Chauncy Leopardi - Squints went on to play the bully on Freaks and Geeks. The Bully! Everybody knows Squints wouldn't hurt a fly. And even more surprising than him being a bully, he's hot. Check out this pic. He's a good looking guy. I'm finally starting to believe he could have really gotten Wendy Peppercorn. I also loved him on Gilmore Girls when he only had one hand. It was moving.

And now, last but not least. Mike Vitar. Benny "The Jet" Rodriquez. Set my heart a flutter. And I am happy to report that he managed to pick a profession even hotter than actor. He is now a L.A. Firefighter. Amazing. Doesn't get better than that. He was also amazing in the last two Mighty Ducks. Maybe I'll do this for Mighty Ducks next. Who wouldn't want to know about them? Unfortunately, no recent pics of Benny were available. But just combine your vision of Benny as a ballplayer with him as a firefighter. I gotta go.