Sometimes something will happen that forces us to take a step back and examine our life. If it's good, you marvel at how far you've come. If it's bad, you wonder how you ended up in this place. One such moment happened today when I began writing a blog, paused, looked up puzzlingly, saw the bigger picture and exclaimed "HOLY SHIT! I AM BLOGGING ABOUT TWILIGHT!"
This is embarrassing on several levels. One, I am kind of ashamed of blogging in general. I've noticed the few times I've brought up my blog, I said it in a kind of mock-Thurston Howell voice as if to say "Yes, I realize it is narcissistic and self-indulgent to think anyone would be interested in what I had to say". Maybe it's the bad blogs I've read where people just ramble off everything they ate that day or who they had coffee with. I don't care if Safeway started carrying your favorite brand of freeze-dried strawberries. And I bet no one else does either. Which I suppose is hypocritical to say since by writing a blog you are sort of acknowledging that someone somewhere is interested in your own mundane life.
So the other reason that this particular blog was like a spot light on my pathetic existence is because it's about a book written for 13 year old girls. A book, well four books and a movie specifically, that I am so obsessed with I'll hear a voice in my head saying "Amy, be careful, you've already brought up Edward Cullen twice in the last five minutes..." AND I'LL STILL MAKE THE COMMENT! The other sad thing is that not only am I reading them, I'm giving myself credit for reading them. They're each like 600 pages long and each took like 3 days and I'm seriously thinking what a genius I am for reading them so quickly. Like it's f'ing Tolstoy!!! So I fly through the book (cause I'm so smart), see the movie twice in theaters (so far), change my computer background AT WORK to a picture of Edward and Bella, watch their interviews on YouTube and buy Twilight gifts for no joke three of my friends and then sign onto my blog to tell the world how dreamy Edward is and how Jacob isn't good enough and that I wonder who they're all dating in real life, like ever other pre-pubescent girl is telling the world.
I AM ALMOST 24 YEARS OLD!!! And I keep thinking I'm getting to the saddest part but there's always another layer of patheticness. But I think here's the pit of it: I'm not even embarassed. I, like every other 13-year-old girl, believe deep down, no matter how much I protest, that my dedication and obsession makes me cool or interesting or endearing when in truth, it just makes me like every other 13-year-old girl, desperate to fill the hole in her own romantic life by tatooing Mrs. Cullen to herself and covering it with the Team Edward t-shirt she bought at Hot Topic. Wow, this got depressing. I'll lighten it up next week for my blog entitled "Vampires: Why are they so hot?"
1 comment:
I think its funny that we're both so self conscious about blogging. The stories we tell in person are the same, but writing them gives us a chance to edit and perfect the punchlines!
I feel totally liberated having read yours. I like your style, but then again, thats why I have conversations with you every day. :)
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