Trip to the Dentist

The journey into adulthood is a tumultuous one and nothing better represents both the freedom and the challenges associated with that journey for me than…THE DENTIST! Pro of growing up – no one will make you go to the dentist. Con of growing up – no one will make you go to the dentist. Let me say this, I absolutely hate the dentist. Well actually all doctors in general. They’re nothing like the ones on television. They just spend the whole time scolding you. I remember one time in high school when I could no longer live a lie, I said to the dentist, “I don’t want to lie to you; I don’t floss. And more than that, I have no intention of starting anytime soon. But I’ll give you this, I will be open to flossing for the 6 months til I see you again. I will move from a flossing atheist to a flossing agnostic.” I’d like to think she appreciated my honesty. But like most things, no amount of her guilt was going to make me start. I know it’s her job to tell me to floss, but it’s also my job as a stubborn person to fight to the death for my right to not floss. It’s a vicious war, but somebody’s got to do it. My friend once sent me an article on how not flossing had been linked to heart disease. Hey, smokers know smoking causes lung disease, does it stop them from smoking if they’re not ready? Probably not. Well maybe.

So when I graduated college and got a real job, I can assure you, I spent about 1.5 minutes together even considering going to the dentist for the first two years. And I wouldn’t even have to spend a dime to do it. But eventually, and I’m not sure why, maybe I thought I had something to prove, I made an appointment. And I went in during lunch one day, got in the chair, even got some X-rays done. And you know what? I didn’t have a single cavity. Ha! I never felt like screaming “Damn the man!” than I did when I single-handedly proved that going to the dentist every 6 months is stupid. And boy, was my mom mad. I think she might have even called me a B-I-T-C-H. She flosses every day and always has cavities. I’d rather be lucky than good. You’ll never hear any different from me.

So that was a year ago and as I am about to go back to school and lose my cushy insurance, I made another appointment. The receptionist was all “I see you’re overdue on your 6-month check up”. I said yes but I really wanted to say “No, I never said I would be back in 6 months. I am, in fact, right on time for my annual check-up.” I called yesterday and they had an opening today. I said sure not thinking that this doesn’t give me enough time for my usual week-long “Make the dentist think I floss and brush twice a day” routine. It’s similar to my week-long “Make my mom think I wear my retainer every day” before I see her. Oh well. I’m lucky, not good.